“It is impossible to install, execute, or enable a virus in Windows unless, against the clear advice of the operating system, you explicitly choose to do so. Windows is virus-proof.”
Hmm, that’s quite a bold statement isn’t it? I mean, you’d have to be some sort of deluded “fan-boy” to actually believe a statement like that, right?
I intend to install Microsoft Security Essentials on a test machine with an isolated internet connection, and then do my level best to fuck it up. What do I mean by this? I will visit every dodgy web site, try a “test-scan” of every Win-Antivirus out there, and absolutely yes, please do show me Angelina Jolie in a compromising situation. Want my email address? Well, it’s right here:
Seriously, Champion (makers of nice spark plugs, apparently) don’t own this address. It is for sale, by the way…
Anyway, I’m planning on introducing “Mr Sparkplugs” (“Champion” to the ladies), to quite a few dodgy operations. He’s not sure why his PC is running slow, but he’s sure the flashing icon will sort it out. If you want to participate, please do send him every virus, nasty attachment, everything you can think of. Also, subscribe him to everything you can think of. Do you think that Champion wants to “meet women in your area” or even download Norton AV from a torrent? You bet he does! Of course, like everything that doesn’t live just in me head and trousers, there are rules.
- To be clear, I’m saying that it is impossible to “infect” a Windows PC with a virus or malware, unless one purposefully disregards a “halt” warning, thereby choosing to infect. Dismissing a User Account Control message or MSE message (providing it’s is reasonable to say that the message is easily understood), invalidates the infection. I plan to be reckless, even silly, but I will always be reasonable, and I will assume that what the computer warns me about is important. “Virus-Proof” applies to clean installations of Windows Vista and Windows 7.
- I realise that phishing is a major part of anti-malware, and I will try to test this as much as I can. Obviously, I won’t be providing my bank account details to that sort of phishing email, nor will I see evidence of viral spread through address books (Champion doesn’t have any friends anyway). Really, I’m testing this on a PC in a petri-dish, which limits what I can do. Please bare that in mind.
- I will be honest. I assert that Windows is virus-proof, because I honestly believe that it can be. If it turns out that I’m wrong (and any regular reader of Zath’s articles knows that I really can be), I’ll tell you so. Hey, it will at least be interesting though, right?
In any event, I believe that Microsoft Security Essentials should bring huge and telling scepticism to the validity of the classic Mac mantra: “Don’t buy a PC because you WILL get a virus”. My contention is that now, you WON’T get a virus unless you want to, or are just not paying attention to your computer monitor (alarming red-flashing and all). In other words, it’s no longer a factor.
Starting today, I’ll be installing MSE on a clean Windows machine and then, erm…abusing my privilege…I’ll let you know how it goes, with a summary judgement the following week (should be enough time). Of course, you can email Champion right now!
Viruses? What Viruses?
Image – Neoseeker